Archive for the O Category

The Other Boleyn Girl

Posted in O with tags , , , , , on April 10, 2008 by theroboticdan

Dan says:

I can almost see someone in history class, thinking up the idea for the book which lead to this movie… *cue dreamy flashback*

King Henry the Eighth, to six wives he was wedded: One died, one survived, two divorced, two beheaded. Wait, a King had six different wives, divorced two and three died? Sounds like a pimp to me. Somebody should make a movie out of that, but cast the girls as total hotties. Like Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johannasen could play sisters. No, I don’t care that they look nothing a like, that would be sweet! But King Henry was too fat to get hotties all excited… lets make him a hunk… or a Hulk… like Eric Bana!

Don’t get too turned on though, sure theres plenty of flirtatious backstabbing in this picture, but its all strictly PG-13 fare, so don’t expect the corsets to come off.

The Other Boleyn Girl threatens to be a droll period piece, however it finds its charm as politics and sexual persuasion mix like you’ve never seen before. Watch a King change the religious laws of England just so he can get laid! Check out how devastating it is to give birth to a girl when the king wants a boy! Rape and miscarriages! Sister betrayal!

The best thing you’ll get out of this film is that right afterwards you’ll have a sudden urge to crack open the history books (ok or maybe just Wikipedia) and research the whole thing on your own. Most of it is true, and it helps the movie in the end to know that.

This film is entertaining, but far from a classic. A true epic would have taken you through all six of his wives. By making it a bite sized chunk of history, this film limits it’s scope to a ye olde school gossip girle. Its more pop than punch, and thats a shame because the history here is so ripe for a good retelling.

Grade: 79

Out Cold

Posted in O with tags , , , , , on February 15, 2008 by jharoldson13

James says:

YES! I saw this with my friends back in high school, basically on a whim, and damn but if itout-cold.jpg didn’t become a legendary movie among us. I’ve got three words that sum up this movie nicely, “gratuitous genital abuse.” Almost all of it revolves around comedian Zach Galifianakis and his attempts to “get some”. The first ends with his wang getting frozen into the jet of a hot tub after some hot Scandanavian chick (aren’t they all hot?) leaves him high and dry, so he decides to try humping something that shoots piping hot water. Later in the movie, he gets a blowjob from a fucking polar bear.

It’s glorious. Jason London, who many of you may remember as T.S. from “Mallrats,” is theoutcold2.jpg main character. He spends almost the entire movie moping about some girl he met in Mexico, who eventually shows up at the mountain with her fiancee. Meanwhile, some really hot chick is all over his junk but he ignores her until the very end. This movie also has Dangle from “Reno 911” back before any of those guys were famous. This movie is dumb as hell, and certainly doesn’t try anything radical with its comedy, but damn is it funny. Definitely worth a watch if you can stomach all the snowboarding. At least there’s no “anti-skiing” agenda being pushed by the director. Fuck…just watch the movie, it’s great.

Grade: 80