So Schuyler made me watch this movie last night at about 10pm, which was very risky for a couple reasons.
Reason #1 – I get pretty tired after we’ve been watching TV for two hours already (and by TV, I mean American Idol and watching Schuyler and Allen play “Halo 3” on xbox live…yaaawn) so I’m already in a kinda “eh” mood and don’t really feel like watching a film…so i’m therefore predisposed to not like it.
Reason #2 – I fall asleep during movies played later than 9pm on school nights. This is because I’m already tired from just going about my day, plus I’m in a very comfortable bed and relaxed. I fell asleep during Jonestown the night before (which was a VERY disturbing movie but I suggest you see it just so you know what happened) and Schuyler was pretty upset about that, but I just can’t help it. Even if it’s a really interesting movie, I tend to pass out for like, a minute every 10 minutes or so. It’s definitely a flaw of mine. Maybe I should drink more caffeinated beverages, but I ran out of Diet Coke a few days ago and haven’t gotten a chance to replenish my supply.
That being said…I liked Little Shop of Horrors a lot! And I didn’t fall asleep!! Oddly enough, I never saw Little Shop of Horrors even though a lot of people I knew had seen it and praised it. I guess I thought it was going to be different than it was. In my mind, with a title like “Little Shop of Horrors”, I pictured this store in this remote area (Like…Knockturn Alley from Harry Potter) filled with all sorts of creepy, alien, witchcraft-like stuff…I don’t know what sort of plot would go with a store like that, but that’s what I thought the movie would be about. And I was pleasantly surprised. The plot was very simple – kooky flower shop employee finds alien plant that drinks blood and eats people.
Rick Moranis is AWESOME. I loved him in Honey I Shrunk/Blew Up the Kid(s), Ghostbusters, Spaceballs…he’s just so quirky and adorable! I want like a mini-Rick Moranis that says all of his signature lines from movies that I can stick to the dashboard of my car. He’s just the perfect nerdy, scientist guy who always means well but somehow always ends up getting in trouble. And I could so see him taking care of a fucking HUGE plant from outer space. A plant that talks. And feeds off of humans.
You know who else is awesome? Steve Martin. All of his work on SNL is hilarious and Father of the Bride would’ve been a suckfest if it weren’t for him (not that I’m claiming that Father of the Bride is an amazing movie or anything, but Steve Martin just helps it along). Seeing him as this terrible asshole dentist was funny but also terrifying. I almost had to close my eyes at certain points because the thought of a dentist going into my mouth and pulling out my teeth and using all sorts of torture instruments is just…way too disturbing. Another great cameo? Bill Murray as the masochistic patient. What a freaking great idea! Pair up a sadistic dentist with a masochistic patient and what do you get?! Comedy! One of my favorite lines?
“I think I need a root canal. I definitely need a long, slow, root canal”
But unfortunately this bends Steve Martin out of shape, because if the patient isn’t horrified, it’s no longer fun for him. Go figure.
With every few characters that I love, there is at least one that I really do not like – at all. In this case, it is Audrey (played by Ellen Greene. Who is Ellen Greene? I don’t really care. If you care go look her up on imdb or something). Audrey speaks in SUCH A FUCKING ANNOYING VOICE it makes me want to rip out her vocal cords and let her bleed to death and then feed her to the crazy alien plant. Not only is it annoying, but it’s so quiet that I have to turn up the volume to like 48 (on a 50 scale) in order to hear what she has to say. Maybe I’m going deaf, but no one’s voice should be that hard to hear. Plus she’s the perfect example of a weak, ditzy woman who can’t do anything on her own and relies on men for everything, especially money (which is why she continued to date Sadist D.D.S until he was fed to Audrey II).
On a completely different note with no transition whatsoever, I think this movie needs a serious makeover. It is as old as I am (actually it’s about seven months younger but who’s counting). Sure, there was another Little Shop of Horrors made in the 1960s, but who has really seen that? And was it any good? I wouldn’t know. What I do know is that with the technology of today, major motion pictures can make this movie into a blockbuster hit. Imagine the possibilities with Audrey II! (that’s the name of the Killer Plant, just so you know) One could do so many things with it! Yes, I have to give credit to Frank Oz for doing a great job with all of his puppeteering skills, but just imagine how cool it would be if say…Tim Burton directed this film! Oh Mr. Burton would wet his pants at this opportunity! We can’t deny him the rights to Little Shop of Horrors after he blessed us with Sweeney Todd!!
As long as we’re remaking the film, here’s who I would suggest for the following roles:
Seymour (Rick Moranis) – Tobey Maguire, because we’ve all seen how he can play nerdy roles. Or Steve Carrell, because he makes people laugh just by standing there. And he’s definitely what one might call “nerdy”
Audrey (Ellen Greene) – Jessica Simpson, because she wouldn’t have to act at all. The character is basically her anyways, and she has a pretty decent voice (did I mention this was a musical? because it is.)
Orin Scrivello D.D.S (Steve Martin) – this one’s a little more complicated. I could see Will Ferrell pulling off this role pretty well (and if Steve Carrell played Seymour it would be an Anchorman reunion party!), but he’s in just about everything these days. Anyone that’s like…crazy. And amusing. But mostly crazy. Hey! Johnny Depp!
The Three Afro-American Chicks who go around explaining the situation and telling people what to do in song-form – Destiny’s Child. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Arthur Denton (Bill Murray) – Rowan Atkinson. Think about it! Or Steve Buscemi, because it’s so bizarre one could see him having a dental fetish.
the voice of Audrey II (Levi Stubbs) – ROBIN WILLIAMS!!! I don’t know if I’m making this up, but I think I remember him making a “Feed Me Seymour!” joke. It was either him or Jim Carrey, but I’m pretty sure it was Robin Williams. Mr. Williams is so amazing at doing voices (see: the Genie in Aladdin! Wasn’t that just an absolute masterpiece? yes, yes it was!) And Robin Williams isn’t really doing that much these days (or is he? discuss!) so I’m sure he’d love to take on such a fun role.
All film-remaking aside, I thoroughly enjoyed Little Shop of Horrors. It was amusing, generally well-casted and a good film to wind down with after a stressful day.