Archive for the B Category

Batman Begins

Posted in B with tags , , , , , on March 28, 2008 by jharoldson13

James says:

Holy shit, people. If you’re reading this review I can only assume that you haven’t seen this movie, in which case YOU050728-batman0.jpg SUCK AND I HATE YOU. This reboot to the Batman franchise was almost entirely perfect, and trust me…I know Batman. Since most of this is going to be me figuratively blowing the movie, I’ll just get the negatives out of the way up front. First and foremost: KATIE HOLMES. Terrible, just terrible. She sucks, isn’t that attractive, and talks out of the side of her mouth. YOU HAVE A WHOLE MOUTH YOU DUMB BITCH, USE IT AND TALK LIKE A REAL PERSON. And on a related note, the second glaring problem with the movie: Scarecrow’s defeat. They spend the whole goddamn movie establishing him as a fucking awesome psychopath who uses a gas that induces levels of fear enough to KILL, and then how is he brought down? Side-talker shoots him in the face with a taser. But he doesn’t die, so the viewer is left to assume that he’ll be back in AT LEAST one of the sequels. And the character of Scarecrow is only ONE of the many things done totally right in this movie. Morgan Freeman is AWESOME, Michael Caine is BEAUTIFUL, and Christian Bale is perfect. Screw Val, screw George, and Michael Keaton please step politely aside because Bale is Batman. He’s even perfect as Bruce Wayne, pulling off the arrogant handsome billionaire without a hitch. And his Batman is just over-the-top enough to be badass without crossing into ridiculousness.

The villain, whose identity I won’t spoil for those who haven’t seen it, is also played to a T. And the ending, which has justbatmanbegins1.jpg enough resolution to keep any normal viewer satisfied, makes it very clear that “The Dark Knight” is going to be absolutely ridiculous. It’s very sad about Heath Ledger dying, apparently partially because playing the Joker fucked up his head really bad, but the ending of the first one will leave you salivating to see him. The movie also contains a few references that only nutjobs like me will pick up on. For example, the presence of Mr. Zsaz, a lesser known member of Batman’s rogues gallery, actually had me excited enough to stand up in the theater and start hooting. And for those of you interested in the more technical side of things, almost every stunt in this movie was actually performed. The only action scene which features any large amount of CGI is the big Batmobile chase towards the end. And since it’s used so sparingly, the viewer barely even notices when flesh, bone, and metal is replaced by 1’s and 0’s in some nerd’s hard drive. To close out this glowing review, don’t let anything stop you from seeing this movie. The sequel comes out in a few short months, and you don’t want to be the only jackass who doesn’t know what’s going on, now do you? No, you don’t. Take my word for it, “Batman Begins” is fantastic.

Grade: 94

Boogie Nights

Posted in B with tags , , , , , , on February 6, 2008 by serranja

Jason says:

Boogie Nights is just as awesome as you would expect a movie about the porn industry in the 70s and 80s. It’s the classic tale of sex, drugs, and rock & roll, as told through the eyes of Dirk Diggler (Marky Mark Wahlberg is perfect, shocking as that may seem). There’s enough plot and sadness for the women folk, and enough Burt Reynolds, comedy, and Heather Graham naked for the men. boogienights2.jpg

In a nutshell, Dirk is this kid with a gift: a massive shlong. After being discovered by porn producer Reynolds, he quickly ascends to fame as the world’s top porn star. His fame goes to his head, cocaine goes to his nose, and he develops a giant ego, which eventually tanks his career. He tries recording a song (hilarious in its awfulness) and eventually makes amends. Huzzah.

Three things that own about this movie:

  1. John C. Reilly in his first comedic role. He plays a porn star/magician who becomes best friends with Dirk. I’m so glad that the big JCR is back in comedy now after all those years of bit parts in dramas like The Hours and Magnolia. He really has a knack for it.
  2. The supporting cast is phenomenal. Philip Seymour Hoffman is amazing (is he ever not?), and Donboogie-nights.jpg Cheadle, William H. Macy, and Julianne Moore are all great as fellow members of the porn industry (don’t worry, Macy’s a director, not a star).
  3. This one scene in the movie makes the whole thing: Dirk and two buddies are trying to rip off a cocaine dealer (Alfred Molina) and are forced to just sit around while the guy plays “Sister Christian” by Night Ranger (awesome 80s song) and “Jesse’s Girl” by Rick Springfield (ditto). The tension is more than just palpable, it’s…um…really tense. We know something’s gonna go wrong, they know something’s gonna go wrong, and it’s a waiting game.

The only issue with the movie is that it tries to get us to care about Moore’s aging porn star/mom with a drug habit. I didn’t. She’s a bad mom, and probably shouldn’t get custody. Yeah, that sucks, but the kid deserves better. Too much time was spent trying to convince us otherwise.
So check this out. It’s really really good. Plus, porn. So that’s a twofer.
Grade: 93