Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Izzy says:

How can I write a review for the first Home Alone without writing one for the second? That’s like having Christmas without a Christmas tree! And that’s an appropriate segway into this review, because the premise for this film is based on the fact that the Macalister family wants to spend Christmas in Florida. Seriously? I totally agree with Kevin on this one. Christmas in a tropical climate sucks. Call me traditional, but I like a white Christmas. I’m usually very against snow and cold and all that, but Christmas shouldn’t be rainy and a mild 75 degrees.

In my review of Home Alone, I bitched about all of the inadequacies of the movie and how it is completely irrealistic. You can’t take the second Home Alone seriously either. It’s also chock-full of things that do not make sense. But at the same time, there are a few things that I really love about this film. I figured I’d be fair this time and also list things that I really like about the film, because I’m probably going to give it a decent grade. But – first things first.

1) Why does Kevin have to apologize for hitting Buzz during the Christmas concert? It was Buzz’s fault that he got hit in the first place!!! Yeah, okay, Kevin knocked everyone down, but he didn’t MEAN to. He just meant to punch Buzz. It’s so similar to the first movie when he punches Buzz and spills the milk everywhere. And how on EARTH did no one hear Buzz say “troutsniffer”? What does that even MEAN? Is that a sexual joke? And then Kevin tries to EXPLAIN this to his mom and his mom just ignores him. Buzz is obviously the favorite child. Or maybe they just deemed him as the Problem Child and let him get away with things because it’s easier that way. I don’t know, but Kevin really does get dumped on. I’d probably want to leave my family too if I were treated that way. Yeah, at the end of the film he’s all like “oh my god wahhh I miss my mommy and everyone else” but it’s kind of like a battered woman always going back to her abusive husband because he’s all she’s got. Okay, that may be an exaggeration, but his family kinda sucks.

2) You’d think after leaving Kevin “home alone” last year, the mom would’ve held Kevin BY THE HAND through the entire airport. You don’t leave him trailing behind! That’s just asking for trouble, lady! Get one of those leash things they have for children! Clearly she hadn’t learned her lesson. And it’s only when she’s on the plane – in the air – that she thinks she’s “forgotten” something. You’d think she’d check ALL the seats and make sure EVERYONE was on board before take off. But nooooo.

3) What is UP with the ineptitude of the staff at the Plaza Hotel? Yes, the Plaza probably got great publicity out of this film, but come on now. It gives hotel employees a bad name. First of all – how did he make a reservation by just saying his name and that he wants a hotel room “with an extra large bed, a tv and one of those little refrigerators you have to open with a key”? What about “What is your phone number sir?” “How many nights would you want to stay, sir?” Kevin was so not prepared with that information. Okay. Let’s assume that he did manage to get information with his Talkboy tape recorder. What about the other staff members? Why is Tim Curry going into people’s rooms at 8:30 at night? He’s the concierge, not a maid doing turndown service! The concierge doesn’t even GO to rooms, ever…unless it was specifically requested by a guest. At a prestigious hotel like the Plaza, he’d get fired for just going up to the room and snooping around! I don’t get why all the staff members are out to get Kevin. You really don’t ask questions – unless there is legal work to be done. I would’ve thought they’d be more concerned about the fact that the Dad hasn’t come to the desk to sign the paperwork. I’m pretty sure that you can’t get a hotel room without a signature that says that you will pay for the room. I think the staff wouldn’t have attacked Kevin personally once they found out the CC was stolen, but instead would have called the cops. Kevin should NOT be afraid of the cops. He did nothing wrong! He should be using the cops to get help finding his family. Sigh. Very annoying. I also love the fact that hotel employees believe that a television sounds the same as a real person. It totally doesn’t. Why didn’t they go into the next room to see who was in there? It baffles me, really.

4) I mentioned cops earlier. Where ARE THEY in this film? Kevin’s screaming his ass off in the middle of the city and no one does anything? No one says anything? No cop nearby starts following the bandits because they’re chasing down a small child in broad daylight? They’re wanted criminals for Christ’s sake! I can’t go six blocks in NYC without finding some sort of cop. They’re about as common as Duane Reade. But apparently, not so in Home Alone 2. They’re all completely oblivious to everything…oh, until the end of the movie when they “save the day” by giving his mom an idea of where to look for Kevin and when they take the Sticky Bandits away. Too little too late pigs.

5) The Sticky Bandits are completely invincible. Harry jumps on one end of a seasaw and flies 30 feet in the air and lands on a car. In an action movie, he would’ve been completely done for. But no – he gets up JUST FINE, without a scratch on him. Somebody call the pope – I think I’ve found the second coming! Speaking of Jews (Jesus was a Jew, in case you didn’t understand my clever connection), Marv should have died after being hit in the head with ONE brick. A brick falling from the top of a 5 story building would kill a man if it hit him straight in the head. It would not just leave a reddish mark, similar to the one he received when being hit with an iron. Marv gets hit DEAD ON with a brick FOUR times. And the worst thing that happens to him is that he has blurry vision. He gets up and is just fine. He also gets HEAVILY, HEAVILY electrocuted and does not die. He just shakes a little. I’m shaking my head right now, because it’s just not right. Harry’s head gets torched again, and then he shoves his head in a gasoline toilet bowl. His HEAD. A large explosion happening directly to HIS HEAD. That would’ve blown his head right off…if the fire didn’t burn it thoroughly. But no – he just gets a little blackened and he ruins his hat. Why are these men robbers? They could make a considerable amount of money showing off how invincible they are! I’m sure we could find a spot on Cirque de Soleil for them.

6) It seems as if the bandits have also gotten dumber than last year. It was understandable that Marv would assume that Kevin didn’t have a plan in this New York apartment. However…once he and Harry saw that doorknobs were attached to staple guns and tools were conveniently placed at the top of doors, then they should’ve gotten the hell out of there. Take the money, and run. So what if Kevin calls the cops? NYC is huge. They could run off with the money anywhere. Is their need to kill Kevin SO GREAT that they are willing to risk their entire lives to do it? Come on guys, don’t you want to retire in Rio? Cops can’t getcha if they can’t find ya. But like I said before, it seems as if the bandits have lost some of their intelligence. Maybe it was the heavy beating they got before jail (or the ass-raping they received during) – whatever it was, they clearly haven’t learned from their mistakes. They clearly don’t deserve to breathe the clean air of freedom if they got beaten by a 10 year old.

I feel like I’ve ranted enough about the things that don’t make sense in the film (even though there are so many more I can mention), so I’m going to quickly say a few things that I actually like about it. Things that make me feel all warm and gooey on the inside.

-Mr. Duncan. What a sweet old man! Donating an ENTIRE DAY’S worth of sales to the Children’s Hospital. That’s not even the profits, either – that’s ALL the money he gets from the toys, so he’s taking a loss on the biggest shopping day of the year. Now that’s devotion I’d like to see at more stores. And on top of that, he gets presents for everyone in Kevin’s family! Aww! I wish I had a grandpa like him – and not just because I’d get awesome presents 🙂

-The sappy scene with the old homeless pigeon woman. Kevin is always able to help people in his life fix problems. While we don’t SEE the woman getting better, it’s implied that she does. Maybe Kevin should be like “Hey, I know how to get over your old lover! I know a very lonely man who salts the sidewalks in the winter time. He’s my neighbor in Chicago. You get enough money to head over there, and I guarantee he’ll give you a good home.” Seriously! Set them up! They’re both lonely! And they both learned something from Kevin! Though I think he should’ve probably given her something other than a turtledove. She could use some food, man! Get her a gift card to Subway or something. Take her to a soup kitchen. Good deeds count extra on Christmas Eve, doncha know! 🙂

-I liked the traps in this movie more than the first one. I think it’s because Kevin’s older, so he’s learned that gasoline + fire = BOOM!, electricity+stupid man = ZZZZZAP! and holes in the ground + not being observant = THUD. It’s a little more mature than stepping on ornaments and getting feathered.

That being said, I think I still like the first Home Alone a little more. It’s the original, and let’s face it, the original is always a little better. I’ve seen the second one just as often, but for some reason, I think I like younger, inexperienced Kevin more. And maybe the bad guys weren’t as dumb initially – at least then they didn’t know what they were getting into. Nevertheless, still a great film overall. I’ll always be a fan of both these films.

Grade: 90