A Charlie Brown Christmas
This will be brief. A Charlie Brown Christmas is about 28 minutes long. I think it’s only fair that I spend 1/3 of the time reviewing what is essentially only 1/3 of a movie. Whatever, you’re not paying me.
As cute and traditional as Charlie Brown movies have become…at EVERY holiday, I find that the only good part about them is the fact that they are traditional…Charlie Brown is on, must be approaching a holiday. It’s almost like a media alarm clock. When you’re struggling to finish Christmas shopping (even though there’s still turkey digesting in your stomach), a “Charlie-Brown-jon” alarm clock [10 pts if you guess “Kill Bill: Volume 1”] can freak you out.
Aside from the context, the movies/shows/specials are actually pretty lame. The mood throughout is bland, melancholy, and pretty much the opposite of happy. Charlie Brown will complain about his apparent lack of endorphines, and Lucy will explain that its because his face sucks. Then Charlie Brown will attempt to do his best Boston College Football fieldgoal impression, ending up square on his ass.
When I see holiday films, particularly Christmas, I wanna see Rankin-Bass, I wanna hear happy songs, I’ll even appreciate non-funny Tim Allen jokes. I just don’t want 50-year-old Emo cartoons telling me why Christmas sucks. We’re all coping with the tough parts of Christmas, Brown. Wait until you have to decide whether to go to your family’s for Christmas or your girlfriend’s family’s place. Wait until you have $1000 Christmas shopping bills. Wait until you get laid off in December, during prime expense season. Wait until you have to deal with Black Friday foot traffic just to find the items you need to buy for others before they disappear.
You have NO RESPONSIBILITIES! SHUT OFF! Oh, and someone needs to murder Snoopy. That dog is a piece of crap.