Weird Science

Schuyler says:

THIS MOVIE WAS AND WILL ALWAYS BE AMAZING!!!

Grade: 100

Naw, just kidding. I know I couldn’t fool you guys. I’ll write an actual review….
Weird Science features Anthony Michael Hall and Kelly LeBrock, who is the hottest thing since sliced sex. AMH and his dorky friend…Wyatt….Dorkelly…yes…Wyatt Dorkelly, conspire to take a 1985 Computer (which would’ve burned out playing Oregon Trail) and connecting it to a Barbie Doll via some electrodes. As one would expect, this causes a massive explosion which pretty much destroys Dorkelly’s house. The mushroom cloud clears, and we are introduced to the Barbie Doll, who is now 5’10”, British, and is basically going Super Sayian 3 (but not with fighting power, with sex). She also has the power to make anything she wants a reality.

[BTW–The bra-head on the left in this picture is ROBERT DOWNEY JR. before he was famous/Iron-Man-ish]

Instead of continuing to talk about the movie, because I know you’ve either seen it and married it, or will do so shortly after you finish reading, I’ll launch into the logistics of this movie. My biggest beef is with Kelly’s (Lisa is her character’s name) God powers. I don’t get how her metamorphosis takes her from plastic girly toy to uber-God. If she snaps her fingers, a Ferrari appears. If she winks, she can control minds. If she sneezes, it starts snowing in Hawaii and burning in Greenland. If she deems it beneficial to have mutant bikers crash through the wall and take girls hostage, that’s what’s going to funkin happen. It’s not the fact that she’s got God-like powers that I have issues with. It’s that she goes from Doll to Deity. She skips being human, and that’s offensive to me.

What, so we’re not good enough for you Lisa? Being human isn’t worth your time?

Well…I still worship the ground you walk on.  Yes, I will go make you some tea.

Grade: 88

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