I Am Omega

James says:

I know what you’re thinking.  “LOLZ that dum basturd spelld da movie wrong.”  Well, my brainy friend, you’re

Look at me brood!

incorrect.  It’s actually a different movie, distinct from “I Am Legend” (but not really).  The story follows Mark Dacascos (that’s the actor, I don’t know the character’s name) as he attempts to fight an entire world full of weirdly-mutated zombies with external spines.  And in case you’re asking yourself, “Who is this Mark Dacascos?” I’ll fill you in.  You may remember Mark as Jimmy Lee from the live-action adaptation of “Double Dragon.”  You may also remember him as Eric Draven on “The Crow” TV series.  Or even as Jesse Page in the 1998 smash-hit film, “Boogie Boy.”  I’m just kidding, nobody remembers Mark Dacascos from anything.  Just like nobody’s going to remember this ridiculous movie.

Even after watching it, I’m really not sure what happened.  Mark Dacascos was the last man living on Earth, battling an unstoppable army of the undead.  Funny thing, though…we never find out why everyone is a zombie.  And then about halfway through other survivors become a dime a dozen, including one girl whose blood is the cure for the disease.  Some other guy turns out to be the villain, but I only know this because Mark Dacascos killed him with a pipe, in what was apparently the climactic battle.  Then he kisses the girl and they drive off into the sunset, leaving the remnants of mankind to go fuck themselves, because THAT’S THE KIND OF GUY HE IS.  Avoid this movie.  It’s nothing more than a cheap attempt to cash in on the fleeting success of “I Am Legend,” and it’s not a good one at that.  If you’re held at gunpoint and forced to watch it, then look for the scene in which Mark Dacascos, master of martial arts, cannot even catch a fucking rabbit.  For reference, I have caught a rabbit numerous times, without the help of years worth of breaking boards over my testicles.  Terrible.

Grade:15

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One Response to “I Am Omega”

  1. Another classic James review.

    Thank god it wasn’t another 99.99999 grade 🙂

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