Johnny Dangerously

Schuyler says:

The great Joe Piscapo once said this when referring to his gun: “It shoots through schools…”johnny2.jpg

I wholeheartedly agree. Johnny Dangerously, the original mafia spoof, shoots through friggin schools as well. Before Jay Mohr was given film budgets to waste, Michael Keaton was the original young, cool mob boss. Well, no he wasn’t…Al Pacino was…but he WAS the original PARODY young, cool mob boss. The spoof, which has a very Airplane! feel to it (or for you goddamn I-talians: “Aeroplano!”) kept me laughing throughout. My girlfriend thought it was hilarious as well. This was a relief, as every time I try and show her “a comedy you’ve never heard of, but are going to love!” she hates it, and I don’t get any affection from her for what seems like at least fifteen whole minutes. She holds grudges, and yes, it is a flaw.

Keaton is no Morgan Freeman, but his storytelling is ample as he guides a young listener through his history of working for the mob. “Crime don’t pay, kid” he says…to the boy who just tried to steal a puppy from the pet store he runs. Towards the end of the movie, Keaton feels bad for the boy, and rewards him for sitting through a whole story without stealing more shit by giving him a kitten! This is an obvious political statement by Keaton declaring that in fact “Cats rule and dogs drool.” We at COTT do not make political stands, but with the exception of James, we all would agree with the cultural movement he is trying to start up.

Joe Piscapo (Danny Vermin) is the Dick Dastardly of the film, constantly plotting the death of our protagonist. Some of his lines are just rib-tickling. Thanks to IMDB for collecting these quotes:

–Danny Vermin: I enjoy collecting protection money, putting whores to work, loan-sharking. I enjoy planting bombs in people’s cars. These are a few of my favorite things.
–Danny Vermin: I AM handicapped: I’m psychotic.
–Danny Vermin: Dames are put on this earth to weaken us, drain our energy, laugh at us when they see us naked.johnny1.jpg

Vermin is the best character in this film, by far.

Marilu Henner, who looks younger each and every year due to the stemcell milkshakes she drinks, is merely eye-candy in this film. The musical number she sings (“I wanna eat…Dangerously”) is not an innuendo, and actually seems like a hell of a lot of missed sexual innuendo opportunity. I often judge an actor’s performance by if they can be easily replaced by another actor/actress on the same tier as themselves. Henner is easily replaced by any unknown attractive dame. Hell, Kelly Lebrock would’ve improved the overall aesthetic quality of the movie.

Best scene in this movie: When Johnny Dangerously, originally known as Johnny Kelly, is trying to explain to his brother why he SHOULDN’T drop out of law-school to get married (and have sex). He shows him this videoclip, which comes out of left-field.
Your Testicles & You

Overall, a very entertaining film for what it is: the prodigal son of spoof parodies.

Grade: 89

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