Quest of the Delta Knights

James says:

Ok, this is a tough one to review. I mean, the movie itself is absolutely atrocious, but thequestdelta.jpg episode of “Mystery Science 3000” they did with it was fantastic. Granted, I’m not reviewing the TV show, so this crapfest needs to stand on its own merits. It can’t, though, so I’ll just list the high points that I remember.

One is that one of the good guys throws a bucket of pee at one of the bad guys. Talk about fighting dirty, wakka wakka. Another good thing is that the main villain is played by the guy who provided the voice for Jon Irenicus in one of my favorite computer games of all time, “Baldur’s Gate 2: Shadows of Amn!” Anyone who’s actually played this game knows that Irenicus is one tough bastard, and is way too badass to be in a movie like this. The plot involves some lost storehouse of Da Vinci’s inventions, which are magic or something and will save the world.

When the little effeminate pansy boy who is apparently the hero finally finds the storehouse,questdelta2.jpg he decides that some knowledge is too dangerous for mankind, so he destroys everything. I say, who the fuck made him qualified to make that decision? Fuck that kid, I want my moon lasers and robot beer cans and beds that make me instead of the other way around. Him and his flowing blond hair can suck a bag of dicks, because he ruined everything. So yeah, crap movie.

If you can find the corresponding episode of “MST3K” then definitely give it a watch. But if we’re talking about just the movie, you might as well pound nails into your scrotum for all the enjoyment you’ll get out of it.

Grade: 34

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