Love, Actually

James says:

So here I stand before you, naked (metaphorically) and shivering, reviewing a movie that many guys wouldn’t even poop on. And wonder of wonders, I’d like to begin by saying that I LIKE THIS MOVIE. I LIKE “LOVE ACTUALLY!” And if you want to call me gay, well then let’s discuss it in person so we can play a nice friendly game called “Count the Missing Teeth You Douchebag Shitstain” and discuss it like rational people. This movie is funny, has a great cast, and is actually really touching, even to an icy bastard like myself. Any movie with Alan Rickman (Hans Grueber) [Editor’s note: Alan Rickman is ONLY Snape] playing any role is totally ok by me.

I honestly don’t really remember the overarching plot. Does this make me less-qualified to write this review? Most certainly. Do I give a fuck? Hell no. I do remember that there are a couple of different stories following a few couples as they meet, fall in love, get together, break apart, and do all kinds of stuff. This movie shows love from a bunch of different angles, and isn’t afraid to claim that there won’t always be a happy ending. My favorite of these stories is the guy who falls in love with the married girl, who actually has the testicular fortitude to TELL HER that he’s in love with her, even though he knows they’ll never be together. He stands outside in the snow playing a tape of carolers so that her husband is fooled, then shows her a series of adorable cue cards that describe his feelings, culminating in the climactic, “To me, you are perfect.” The other stories are certainly good, too, and definitely worth watching. I’m just partial to stories of unrequited love, go figure.

I’ll warn you, though…don’t make the same mistake I did and watch this movie alone, because you’ll be miserable. Grab someone you love, or who you want to love you, and get ready for slightly over two hours worth of heart-warming romance. Guys…it’s ok to like this movie. It won’t make you any less of a man; it just proves that you may or may not have something vaguely resembling a heart pumping tar and ashes through your frozen veins. And girls, any dude who is willing to watch this with you is worthwhile. If he volunteers, he’s worth dating. If he volunteers AND enjoys himself, marry him as soon as you can find a preacher drunk enough to sign the papers. And enjoy, because this is a really good movie. Fuck you if you think it’s gay. [Editor’s note: America has spoken, and she proclaims only that Laura Linney is “gay”.]

Grade: 88