Schuyler says:

Women like Juno don’t usually get knocked up, they get knocked out.

Don’t get me wrong, Juno is a funny, very well-written movie. Superior in humor-quality to a Superbad-type movie.
Despite how “peachy” seeing it was, I have to air a few grievances against it:

1) The character of Juno makes me irate. I don’t know any women in this whole world who have a witty/mean/smart-ass comment tojuno.jpg fire-off in response to EVERYTHING. Obviously her dead-beat AC-repairman dad has never beaten her. Oh how I wish the times weren’t as they are…Ellen Page, however, is doing her job as an actress very, very well. She’s only 20, but yet she comes off as a very polished actress, especially in one of the few truly emotional moments of the film.


Pregnant 16-year-old Juno goes to talk to the potential adopted parents of her satan-spawn, and this is the type of garbage that comes out of her mouth.

Juno: If I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would, but I’m guessing it looks probably like a sea-monkey right now and we should let it get a little cuter.
Vanessa: That’s great.
Mark: Keep it in the oven.

2) So many people saw Juno and fell in love with her whippersnapper attitude. Maybe I would’ve liked it if I didn’t feel so confused.
This movie gives you a borderline reality/super-reality feeling, and frankly I don’t know which feeling to go with. Juno’s communication isn’t realistic. Her interactions with Michael Cera’s character Paulie Bleeker are very realistic (oh, you remember awkward teen semi-dating!), as are her breakdowns, when she truly appreciates the fact that she is pregnant and not “preggers”. There’s a huge fucking difference.

3) Rainn Wilson. WHY ARE YOU ONLY IN THIS MOVIE FOR TWO MINUTES?! A super-dose of Dwight would’ve pushed this movie into the upper stratosphere of current films.

+/- Not really a good or bad point, but Jason Bateman’s character made me hate him (which means he did his job as an actor), but then his departure just sort of left a big hole in his place. I feel like the whole “Did you find a place yet?” “Yea a loft downtown” conversation was completely devoid of the emotion that should accompany a sudden divorce-request.


1) Olivia Thirlby, best known as Juno’s BFFFFFFF Leah is as hot as the sun. My girlfriend might smite me, but she was talkin about some well-hung hispanic jerkface when she reviewed 300. F her.

2) Jennifer Garner had a big coming-out party in my opinion. Before this film I didn’t recognize her as a legitimate actress. She was just a person Ben Affleck beats when he loses too much at the crap tables. She played a different character than she usually has. Her “I wanna be a mommy” character was clingy, a little over-possessive, controlling…….and it fit perfectly. I commend you JG, now get a REAL divorce and marry Matt Damon before he fucks Sarah Silverman again.

3) I REALLY loved Allison Janney as Juno’s stepmom. She improved upon her 10 Things I Hate About You performance. Very rarely is it that a younger audience connects with an authority figure the way I connected with Janney’s Bren MacGuff. Her performance was another excellent one, and adding that onto Garner’s, you have a very strong female portion of the cast.

Lowdown: Ultimately, all movies are flawed. God may have created Star Wars: Return of the Jedi in his image, but not all movies can be SW:RotJ, they can only strive to do their best to imitate it. Juno does a great job, and was the funniest comedy I’ve seen in the past few years, flaws and all. A lot of strong acting performances make up for the caricatured main-character.

Grade: 87


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