The Crow

Schuyler says:

The fact that this review wasn’t the first review I ever wrote is shameful. I’m going to say this now: The Crow is my favorite movie ever. I’ll laud it and bash it, but the following comments do not in any way effect the fact that I worship this movie like many worship Moses or Taylor Hicks.

Positives:

-Star Brandon Lee DIES during the movie. Not only does the main character, Eric Draven, die and come back to life and die again…but thecrow.gif actual actor playing him is killed by a prop-weapons malfunction towards the end of filming. Brandon Lee is the son of Kung Fu legend Bruce Lee. BOTH father AND son died during the filming of a movie when they were in their early 30s.

Don’t get me wrong, Lee’s death was a travesty, and was a tremendous loss to the cinema world, but it only goes to add tremendous intensity to the energy behind the film. Knowing that information, when you watch this movie you FEEL the pain of the character, because the death just seems REAL.

–Ernie Hudson, who plays every good black cop not named Carl Winslow, appears in all his glory. His no-bullshit attitude, loyalty to the law, and compassion for the weak make him an unhateable cop. Quite a rare breed. He is a great accessory character, one of the best I’ve seen in a film with a solitary main character.

–Child actor Rochelle Davis (who plays Sarah), is not a very good actress. Granted, this was the first work she is credited with doing. It is, however, a solid first effort for a ten year old smart-ass girl. However, she is so traumatized by the death of acting-friend Lee that she never acts again. JESUS CHRIST is this movie intense, both in the scenes and behind them.

–Conceptually, this movie is great. The Crow is just short of immortal (who doesn’t love a superhero who doesn’t take no shit from nobody), although his real superpower might be spitting out clever one-liners before killing his latest revenge-victim.

Negatives:

–Ling Bai, the Asian chick who has sex with/does drugs with primary goth-baddy Michael Wincott (The Count of Monte Cristo), is creepy. I don’t know that her creepitude is intentional, and I’m pretty sure this actress considers herself sexy. She is not. She does tocorvo.jpg erections what Mongols do to long walls. She also puts on about 4 sticks of lipstick to make it look like she has Angelina Jolie lips. I’m not sure she even has a mouth. Matter’o’fact, I WISH she didn’t have a mouth, because the 3 lines she has in the movie set all Asian peoples back about 10,000 years.

–The villians, save Wincott, are all a little one-dimensional and silly. I don’t blame Brandon Lee for this, as he is infallible, I blame writer David J. Schow. Fuck you, Dave.

— Sarah’s heroine-whore mom, Darla, is a poor man’s Drew Barrymore. Problem is, Drew Barrymore is already a poor man’s…….female human being. This puts her pretty low on the food chain, as her looks, voice, and general acting aptitude are unacceptable for a film of this magnitude. The revisionist historian in me likes to forget she was ever cast.

–When Lee’s hand is blown off by tertiary-baddy Funboy, we see through the bullet hole in Lee’s HORRIBLY ANIMATRONIC hand. I’m pretty sure they stole that thing right off of President Lincoln in the Disney Hall of American Presidents. It’s 1994, not 1894. Pay some CGI guy $50 to make a legit looking CG hand.

STILL a fucking awesome film that has shaped my life forever.

Grade:88

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